glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
