The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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