My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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