i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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