it hurts more in the daytime
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
