you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
