i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
