covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
