My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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