i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
