And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
