Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
