I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
