Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
