i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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