Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
