If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
