bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
