After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
