I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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