Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
