I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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