remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
