In the future we'll all be gay
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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