I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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