I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You were trust falling into bushes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
