you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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