So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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