Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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