Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
