Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
