There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
