Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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