She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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