You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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