i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
