STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she told me i tasted like america
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
