She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
