I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize