Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
