took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
