My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
