had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
