nut hugger
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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