you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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