it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
