I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
