I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
