New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
His nipple licking is glorious
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