A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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