you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
