Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sry I called you an 8
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
