dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
