Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
