So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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