you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
