she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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