Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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