He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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