Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
