as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
