Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
