i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
