If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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