Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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