He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
