I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
